THE FALSE SINGULARITY OF MEN AND THE BIASED PLURALITY OF WOMEN
Men are from Mars, women from Venus they said. I intend to discuss the changing nature of sexual roles in our society. I know discussing this issue is like swimming in a pool filled with piranhas. The neutrality of the matter has been lost since time immemorial and people’s stories, lives, and experiences has defined what is, albeit biased.
But we must discuss this with an objective of redefining what is and steering the rudder towards neutrality. We must understand the false singularity men are described with and the plurality we have used to define women and their roles.
Men are not from Mars. Debunking the false narrative of men as the rational, fearless, and stable being. The masquerading of men’s fears and challenges. Research has shown men suffer from depression and do not seek help because of the expectations that they have to be strong, that men do not cry, that men must always take charge (of home and family).
To keep up with this false identity men get drunk with power and to show this, they (the weak ones IMO) beat women, command authority over women, get angry as become gods that require appeasement, etc. Now, this is not a blame game, as mostly this is not their fault. It is the way society has wired most men (and women’s expectations of men). Check most families, communities, depictions in movies, even in most countries’ constitution you will see these biases and false expectations enshrined.
Truth is men need to accept that it is okay to cry, be broken, be real and not be “the man”. When men remove this heavy yoke of society’s definition of them, they enter into a space where they come to accept and love themselves for who they are, redefine themselves based on their capacities and they can start the construction of the man they can be.
In contrast to men, society has not been kind to women and there are several checks and balances placed on their path, albeit there have been a few outliers. One of the definitions of women is that they are “weak and emotional”. Why is it not okay to be so? The only reason is that society said so. More so, we blind ourselves to the strengths of women.
Another is that women are “wives and mothers”. This definition is used to set the life purpose of women folks. No room for ambition or career advancement or what they want to be. In my view, women seem to have excelled well in the pluralist roles they have had to play through hard work and resilience. Multitasking has also become a synonym for women, even though it is an incorrect one. Studies have shown that women are no better at multitasking than men, only that they do more work.
The main idea of this is that we need to identify these biases and misconceptions about gender roles as currently defined by our society and redefine them. Women are a lot of things and seem to adapt to changing situations out of limited choices, which is okay. But the consequences of these definitions put at best, a lag, or at worst, an end to their life goals and ambitions while that of men is often unassailed. It is common for maternity leave to hamper chances of promotion of women at work, or for them to face undue scrutiny when trying to progress in life. For example, the treatment Hillary Clinton got while running for president. In her book titled “What Happened,” she faced so much scrutiny from the society than candidate Trump did. Worst still these came from fellow women as evidence has shown that women exhibit biases towards other women. In Nigeria, for instance, women cannot apply for a passport the same way as men and single women are mostly unable to rent an apartment in Nigeria.
To correct these biases, institutional discrimination needs to be removed and equality of men and women is to be enshrined in our constitution and society. Did you know that in Nigeria women are not allowed to work night shift according to our Labour Act, save for some exceptions?
Women should not have to earn lesser than men for same job positions or be restricted by law. The same choice men have to work should be available to women. Wage disparity is to be leveled also. For example, there exists a steep disparity in the wages of men and women footballers
Furthermore; cultural views need to be revised to reflect and take into cognizance the huge (and more evident) roles women now play today. Girls are much of a good student (mostly better) as boys; women make good leaders (perhaps better) as men.
In conclusion, men and women are from the same planet and have related and specific roles to play in life. Men who held the reins back then had defined the roles of gender in the society and perhaps those definitions worked fine. But today, we must redefine those roles to reflect equality and bring forth the bloom of the women folk. Women should have the freedom to choose and develop their capacity without uncommon limitations to both genders.
